Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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