If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize