brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
