I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
