I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
