I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I deserve this hangover.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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