Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
