listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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