this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
