All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
