I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize