so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
