So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
