Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
