my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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