I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
My breath smells like gin and sadness
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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