Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
