The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
