When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
