Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
