Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
