I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I was not drunk enough for that final.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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