I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Randomize
