Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
