Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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