I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
