We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
