I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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