Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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