Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
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