it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Randomize
