Already got asked if we're dating
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
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