this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
