apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
