Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
