In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
