I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
