dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Drake has all the answers
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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