i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
