he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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