I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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