I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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