Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
