man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
