you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
