I'll bet she douches with gravy.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
