cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
