If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
