I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
