It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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