Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
This house was built for laser tag.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
