I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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