chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
