I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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