Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
