So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
