About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
this boner is exhausting
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
