So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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