Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
