i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize