DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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