wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
