He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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