Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
