I'm drive I can fine osifer
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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