at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
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