My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
