I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
NoShamevember. You game?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
