david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Btw I puked in your glovebox
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
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