There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
