Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
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