Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
