you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
