im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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